Suck It Up Chicken Butt

I think I’m the biggest chicken I know.  Tomorrow I will have my four wisdom teeth extracted.  “Extracted” sounds like such a painful and dramatic word.  I’m a 45 year old control freak who has never been under anesthesia so the thought of being completely out like a light is making me nervous, anxious, scared, oh and a wee bit terrified.  I know it’s not like I’m experiencing some kind of life or death situation but still, I shudder at the thought of  4 teeth (that aren’t even poking through my gums, mind you) being extracted from my head.  Shudder. 

Clip art credit

I made the mistake of Googling “how does anesthesia work?” and apparently you’re pretty much in a coma.  Great.  I scheduled a little alone time, coma-style.  Then of course I had to read about the risks:  Suffocation, allergic reaction, organ failure, stroke and death.  No biggie.  I have a very active imagination (which has become my blood pressure’s worst enemy) and was able to come up with 20 other lovely “what-if” scenarios to enhance my freak out:

1. What if the anesthesia makes me puke?  I haven’t puked in 28 years (impressive, right?)
2. What if I’m so out of it, I try to hit on the oral surgeon?
3. What if I try to hit on the nurse?
4. What if I do something crazy stupid and my husband records me and puts it on YouTube?
5. What if it hurts? 
6. What if the pain meds make me sick?
7. What if I become addicted to the meds?
8. What if I’m so addicted to the meds I end up robbing a Rite Aid or Walgreens?
9. What if the swelling never goes down?
10. What if they severe a nerve and my face is paralyzed?
11. What if I get an infection?
12. What if I start hallucinating? 
13. What if they get in there and accidentally crack a good tooth?
14. What if I swallow my tongue?
15. What if I’m belligerent or crazy when I wake up and the office puts a “crazy lady” notation in my file?
16. What if I wake up and I start to tell embarrassing stories?
17. What if I can’t breathe because my nose is stuffed up from allergies?
18. What if I have to go to the bathroom during surgery?  Is that possible?
19. What if my blood pressure is so high that something bursts internally?
20. What if I’m worrying about all of this for nothing?

That’s the note I’ll end on.  I’m probably worrying about all of this for nothing.  I’ll just suck it up and think of it this way:  I’ll have a four day weekend, I’ll get to eat ice cream and pudding, my family will wait on me for a few days, I’ll be drugged for a couple days…Hey,  maybe this won’t be so bad after all!  But I’m still a chicken butt.